Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
