mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
