No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
