Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
