Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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