was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
