it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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