his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
