No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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