my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
