There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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