google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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