sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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