At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
