That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
