you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
