The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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