my phone needs a breathalizer
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
