covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
