Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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