HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
