Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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