On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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