im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
