i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
