I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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