U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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