no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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