I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize