So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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