I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
