where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
