Can i not drive my cunt home
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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