I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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