You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
