I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
