I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
