I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
