I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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