he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
