the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
