I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
