I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize