I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
