it wasn't lemon gatorade
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
