oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't make out with my wife yet
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize