I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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