I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
