my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
