why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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