"it" just moved
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
