Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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