I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize