I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
