Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
