I think my fart just growled at me.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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