What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
