new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
