im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
