Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
