It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
