ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize