i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
