I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize