My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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