Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
