I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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