it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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