and you said cock pushups were impossible
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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