No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
