ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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