I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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