Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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