you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
