did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
