We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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