i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
