I wanna passion pit in your ass
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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