remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
