Will you blow on my dice?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
