i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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