I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
