oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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