Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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